Chapter 2: The Secret Behind the Locked Door
For The Secret Behind the Locked Door
For several seconds, nobody spoke several seconds, nobody spoke.
The clock above the fireplace ticked loudly.
The clock above the fireplace ticked loudly enough to sound like footsteps in an empty hallway.
Marcus looked from his father to me.
"Get her out?"" he repeated.
"Dad, what the hell are you talking about?""
Robert bent enough to sound like footsteps in an empty hallway.
Marcus looked from his father to me.
"Get her out?"" he repeated.
"Dad, what the hell are you talking about?""
Robert bent to retrieve the gift bag, but his fingers fumbled with the twisted handles. The bag collapsed in his hands.
to retrieve the gift bag, but his fingers fumbled with the twisted handles. The bag collapsed in his hands.
"It's been a long day," he said.
"I think we should all sit down.""
"No," I"It's been a long day," he said.
"I think we should all sit down.""
"No," I replied.
My own voice startled me.
Robert looked up.
I had replied.
My own voice startled me.
Robert looked up.
I had spent decades smoothing over his sharp remarks, explaining away his cold spent decades smoothing over his sharp remarks, explaining away his coldness, and pretending that the man who shared my bed couldn't possibly be capable of cruelty.
Notness, and pretending that the man who shared my bed couldn't possibly be capable of cruelty.
Not anymore.
"You recognized her," I said.
His jaw tightened.
" anymore.
"You recognized her," I said.
His jaw tightened.
"Claire, don't do this.""
"Don't do what? Ask why my husbandClaire, don't do this.""
"Don't do what? Ask why my husband looks as though he's seen a ghost?""
"Mom," Marcus interrupted, " looks as though he's seen a ghost?""
"Mom," Marcus interrupted, "can somebody please explain what's happening?""
Ava stood beside him, hercan somebody please explain what's happening?""
Ava stood beside him, her hands clasped tightly around her gift bag. The broken-heart bracelet glimmered under the dining hands clasped tightly around her gift bag. The broken-heart bracelet glimmered under the dining room chandelier.
"I'm sorry," she said.
"I didn't mean to cause a room chandelier.
"I'm sorry," she said.
"I didn't mean to cause a problem. Maybe I should go.""
"No," I said immediately.
Robert stepped forward.
" problem. Maybe I should go.""
"No," I said immediately.
Robert stepped forward.
"That might be best.""
Marcus moved between his father and Ava.
"She's not going anywhere.That might be best.""
Marcus moved between his father and Ava.
"She's not going anywhere. She's my girlfriend, Dad. You don't get to walk into my birthday dinner and tell her She's my girlfriend, Dad. You don't get to walk into my birthday dinner and tell her to leave.""
Robert's face reddened.
"You're too young to understand what you're getting involved to leave.""
Robert's face reddened.
"You're too young to understand what you're getting involved in.""
Marcus laughed without humor.
"I'm twenty-five. I run a business in.""
Marcus laughed without humor.
"I'm twenty-five. I run a business. I pay my mortgage. And I'm apparently old enough to date a woman without getting permission from you.""
. I pay my mortgage. And I'm apparently old enough to date a woman without getting permission from you.""
"This isn't about permission.""
"Then what is it about?""
Robert glanced toward the staircase.
"This isn't about permission.""
"Then what is it about?""
Robert glanced toward the staircase.
For a moment, I thought he might answer.
Instead, he straightened his jacket.
"For a moment, I thought he might answer.
Instead, he straightened his jacket.
"Claire, come upstairs. Now.""
He turned and started toward hisClaire, come upstairs. Now.""
He turned and started toward his study.
I didn't follow.
"Tell us here," I said.
He stopped on study.
I didn't follow.
"Tell us here," I said.
He stopped on the third step.
His shoulders stiffened.
Then he turned around, looked directly at Ava the third step.
His shoulders stiffened.
Then he turned around, looked directly at Ava, and said something that made the room feel ten degrees colder.
"Some things are, and said something that made the room feel ten degrees colder.
"Some things are better left buried.""
Ava's face went pale.
I heard a better left buried.""
Ava's face went pale.
I heard a small sound escape her throat.
"Buried?"" she whispered.
" small sound escape her throat.
"Buried?"" she whispered.
"What does that mean?""
Robert didn't answer.
He simply walked upstairs and closed the study door.
MarcusWhat does that mean?""
Robert didn't answer.
He simply walked upstairs and closed the study door.
Marcus swore under his breath.
"I'm going after him.""
I caught his arm.
"Give me five swore under his breath.
"I'm going after him.""
I caught his arm.
"Give me five minutes.""
"Mom—"
"Please.""
Something in my expression must have convinced him. He nodded reluctantly and turned minutes.""
"Mom—"
"Please.""
Something in my expression must have convinced him. He nodded reluctantly and turned toward Ava.
"Come on. Let's get you some water.""
As he led her into the kitchen, I toward Ava.
"Come on. Let's get you some water.""
As he led her into the kitchen, I stood beside the shattered plate and watched my son comfort the young stood beside the shattered plate and watched my son comfort the young woman who might have been the baby I had once begged to bring home.
Then woman who might have been the baby I had once begged to bring home.
Then I climbed the stairs.
Robert's study door was locked.
I knocked once.
"Go I climbed the stairs.
Robert's study door was locked.
I knocked once.
"Go away, Claire.""
I tried the handle again.
"Open the door.""
"Not now.""
I pressed away, Claire.""
I tried the handle again.
"Open the door.""
"Not now.""
I pressed my palm against the wood.
"You knew who she was.""
Silence.
"You recognized my palm against the wood.
"You knew who she was.""
Silence.
"You recognized that bracelet.""
Still nothing.
My anger rose so quickly that my hands began to trem that bracelet.""
Still nothing.
My anger rose so quickly that my hands began to tremble.
"Robert, I held that baby in my arms. I begged you to let me adopt her. You told me she'd been transferred.ble.
"Robert, I held that baby in my arms. I begged you to let me adopt her. You told me she'd been transferred. You told me there was nothing we could do.""
The lock clicked.
Robert opened the door just enough to look at me.
You told me there was nothing we could do.""
The lock clicked.
Robert opened the door just enough to look at me.
His face had settled into the familiar expression heHis face had settled into the familiar expression he used whenever he wanted to make me feel unreasonable.
"You need to calm down.""
"Where did she go?""
"I used whenever he wanted to make me feel unreasonable.
"You need to calm down.""
"Where did she go?""
"I don't know.""
"You're lying.""
His eyes narrowed.
"Be careful, Claire.""
I stared don't know.""
"You're lying.""
His eyes narrowed.
"Be careful, Claire.""
I stared at him.
There it was again. That quiet warning he had used for years whenever a conversation threatened at him.
There it was again. That quiet warning he had used for years whenever a conversation threatened to move beyond his control.
I pushed past him into the study.
The room smelled of leather, cedar to move beyond his control.
I pushed past him into the study.
The room smelled of leather, cedar, and the expensive cologne he wore every morning. His desk was immaculate. His files were arranged in, and the expensive cologne he wore every morning.
His desk was immaculate. His files were arranged in neat stacks, and the framed photograph of our wedding sat beside his computer.
I had always neat stacks, and the framed photograph of our wedding sat beside his computer.
I had always believed that Robert's need for order was harmless.
Now it looked like a man trying believed that Robert's need for order was harmless.
Now it looked like a man trying to keep every secret in its proper place.
"Who arranged the transfer?"" I asked to keep every secret in its proper place.
"Who arranged the transfer?"" I asked.
"A social worker.""
"Name?""
"I don't remember.""
"You remember the exact date.
"A social worker.""
"Name?""
"I don't remember.""
"You remember the exact date of every business contract you've signed for thirty years, but you don't remember the of every business contract you've signed for thirty years, but you don't remember the name of the person who took away a baby I wanted to adopt?""
Robert rubbed his forehead.
" name of the person who took away a baby I wanted to adopt?""
Robert rubbed his forehead.
"That was twenty years ago.""
"Then it should be easy to tell me what happened.""
He walkedThat was twenty years ago.""
"Then it should be easy to tell me what happened.""
He walked to the window.
"Claire, you need to understand something. We were to the window.
"Claire, you need to understand something. We were going through a difficult time. You were emotionally attached to a child who wasn't yours.""
"She was a newborn.""
"And you were going through a difficult time. You were emotionally attached to a child who wasn't yours.""
"She was a newborn.""
"And you were obsessed.""
The word landed between us.
For a moment, I couldn't speak.
Then I noticed obsessed.""
The word landed between us.
For a moment, I couldn't speak.
Then I noticed the lower drawer of his desk.
It was open by less than an inch.
Robert always the lower drawer of his desk.
It was open by less than an inch.
Robert always locked that drawer when he left the house.
I had asked him about it once locked that drawer when he left the house.
I had asked him about it once. He'd told me it contained confidential business documents.
Now a corner of an old man. He'd told me it contained confidential business documents.
Now a corner of an old manila envelope protruded from the gap.
I stepped toward it.
Robert moved faster than I expected.
"Don't touch that.""
ila envelope protruded from the gap.
I stepped toward it.
Robert moved faster than I expected.
"Don't touch that.""
I stopped.
"What's in there?""
"Business records.""
"Then you won't mind showingI stopped.
"What's in there?""
"Business records.""
"Then you won't mind showing me.""
"I said no.""
He reached past me and slammed the drawer shut.
The sound echoed me.""
"I said no.""
He reached past me and slammed the drawer shut.
The sound echoed through the room.
Downstairs, someone called my name. The birthday through the room.
Downstairs, someone called my name. The birthday guests were beginning to leave, probably sensing that our family dinner had become something they guests were beginning to leave, probably sensing that our family dinner had become something they shouldn't witness.
I looked at Robert's hand resting on the drawer.
"Did you do shouldn't witness.
I looked at Robert's hand resting on the drawer.
"Did you do something to that baby?""
His expression hardened.
"Don't you dare accuse me of something like that.""
something to that baby?""
His expression hardened.
"Don't you dare accuse me of something like that.""
"Then tell me what happened.""
"I have nothing to tell you.""
I watched"Then tell me what happened.""
"I have nothing to tell you.""
I watched him for a long moment.
Then I walked toward the door.
"Where are you going?"" he demanded him for a long moment.
Then I walked toward the door.
"Where are you going?"" he demanded.
"To find the truth.""
"Claire, if you walk out of this room and start digging.
"To find the truth.""
"Claire, if you walk out of this room and start digging into something you don't understand, you could destroy this family.""
I turned back.
"No, Robert. into something you don't understand, you could destroy this family.""
I turned back.
"No, Robert. If there's something buried here, it was never my questions that put If there's something buried here, it was never my questions that put it there.""
I left him standing beside his locked drawer.
Downstairs, the it there.""
I left him standing beside his locked drawer.
Downstairs, the birthday candles had burned low. Marcus was helping Ava put on her coat while my sister birthday candles had burned low. Marcus was helping Ava put on her coat while my sister, Helen, gathered the untouched dessert plates.
When she saw my, Helen, gathered the untouched dessert plates.
When she saw my face, she stopped.
"Claire? What's happened?""
I shook my head.
"I don't know yet.""
Marcus face, she stopped.
"Claire? What's happened?""
I shook my head.
"I don't know yet.""
Marcus came toward me.
"Dad says you two have some old disagreement about an came toward me.
"Dad says you two have some old disagreement about an adoption. He won't tell me anything else.""
Ava looked down at her bracelet.
"My adoptive father adoption. He won't tell me anything else.""
Ava looked down at her bracelet.
"My adoptive father has an old box of papers," she said quietly.
"My mother kept has an old box of papers," she said quietly.
"My mother kept everything from when I was little. I never really went through it.""
I reached for her hand, then hes everything from when I was little. I never really went through it.""
I reached for her hand, then hesitated, afraid that even the smallest touch might frighten her.
"Would you be willing to look at those papers?""
itated, afraid that even the smallest touch might frighten her.
"Would you be willing to look at those papers?""
She studied my face.
"Why?""
Because I remembered your cries in a hospital corridor.She studied my face.
"Why?""
Because I remembered your cries in a hospital corridor. Because I remembered the weight of you in my arms. Because my husband looked at you as though the past had just Because I remembered the weight of you in my arms. Because my husband looked at you as though the past had just walked into the room and demanded its life back.
Instead, I said, "Because walked into the room and demanded its life back.
Instead, I said, "Because I think somebody owes you the truth.""
Ava swallowed.
"Okay. I'll call I think somebody owes you the truth.""
Ava swallowed.
"Okay. I'll call my dad tomorrow.""
Marcus slipped his arm around her shoulders.
"I'll go with you.""
For the first time that my dad tomorrow.""
Marcus slipped his arm around her shoulders.
"I'll go with you.""
For the first time that evening, she smiled.
After they left, I went back upstairs.
Robert's study door was open.
evening, she smiled.
After they left, I went back upstairs.
Robert's study door was open.
He was gone.
I stepped inside and tried the desk drawer.
He was gone.
I stepped inside and tried the desk drawer.
Locked.
Then I noticed a scrap of paper beside his keyboard.
It lookedLocked.
Then I noticed a scrap of paper beside his keyboard.
It looked like a torn piece of an old envelope. Most of the writing had been ripped away, but one line remained in like a torn piece of an old envelope. Most of the writing had been ripped away, but one line remained in faded blue ink.
*St. Mary's Hospital — Infant Placement Authorization.*
B faded blue ink.
*St. Mary's Hospital — Infant Placement Authorization.*
Beneath it was a date.
The date Ava had disappeared.
I reached for the paper, and somethingeneath it was a date.
The date Ava had disappeared.
I reached for the paper, and something written on the reverse caught my eye.
A name.
Not the name of a social written on the reverse caught my eye.
A name.
Not the name of a social worker.
Not the name of a hospital administrator.
It was the name of a lawyer Robert had worked worker.
Not the name of a hospital administrator.
It was the name of a lawyer Robert had worked with for years.
And underneath it, in Robert's unmistakable handwriting, were five words that made my blood with for years.
And underneath it, in Robert's unmistakable handwriting, were five words that made my blood run cold.
*Payment confirmed. File permanently closed.*
I heard footsteps in run cold.
*Payment confirmed. File permanently closed.*
I heard footsteps in the hallway.
I folded the paper and slipped it into my pocket just as Robert appeared in the hallway.
I folded the paper and slipped it into my pocket just as Robert appeared in the doorway.
His gaze dropped to my hand.
Then he looked at the open drawer.
"What did you take?""
the doorway.
His gaze dropped to my hand.
Then he looked at the open drawer.
"What did you take?""
For the first time in twenty years, I didn't feel afraid of my husband.
I felt afraid of what he might have done.
For the first time in twenty years, I didn't feel afraid of my husband.
May you like
I felt afraid of what he might have done.
And I knew that whatever happened next, our marriage was already over.
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