Chapter 7 - LEO READ HELENA’S LETTER AT FOURTEEN
Helena had written annually.
Matteo never forced.
Stored with therapist/legal.
At fourteen Leo asked.
First letter:
Leo, I am sorry I took your clothes and used embarrassment to control you.
Then:
I am sorry I made you wash dishes that I deliberately dirtied.
He stopped.
“What?”
Matteo nodded.
“I didn’t know that part until camera review.”
Leo laughed without humor.
“She dirtied them?”
“Yes.”
“That is insane.”
“Yes.”
Then letter:
I am sorry I told you your father would send you away.
I am sorry I made ordinary accidents into evidence against you.
I am sorry I wanted a child of my own so badly that I began treating your existence like an obstacle.
Then:
You were not an obstacle. You were a child.
Leo stared.
Then:
Marco influenced me, but he did not make my choices.
Good.
Then:
I do not ask you to call me or forgive me.
Leo folded.
“Did she love me?”
Matteo answered:
“I think she did.”
“That's messed up.”
“Yes.”
Then:
“Do you hate her?”
Matteo thought.
“No.”
“You did.”
“For a while.”
Then:
“What changed?”
“Hatred kept her in house even after she was gone.”
Leo nodded.
Then asked:
“Can I answer?”
“Yes.”
He wrote three sentences.
I remember the floor being cold.
I don’t want to see you.
I hope you got better.
Helena replied once:
I understand. I did. I am still working on it.
No pressure.
At seventeen, Leo chose not to meet.
At twenty-one, he reconsidered.
His choice.
Neutral café.
Helena looked older.
She asked no hug.
“Hi, Leo.”
“Hi.”
Then he asked:
“Why only diaper?”
She cried instantly.
“Because I wanted you ashamed.”
No euphemism.
Then:
“Did you know people could see?”
“Staff?”
“Yes.”
“I knew.”
“Why?”
“I wanted their silence to reinforce that you had no power.”
Horrible.
Honest.
Then:
“Did you think I’d remember?”
“I hoped you would remember enough to obey.”
Leo stared.
Then:
“Well, I remember.”
“Yes.”
Then:
“Do you still want kids?”
Helena had no children.
She said:
“I stopped believing a child would fix what was wrong with me.”
Good.
Then:
“Do you miss Dad?”
“Sometimes.”
Leo:
“He remarried?”
Not yet? We can later. Maybe Matteo had partner.
Helena knew.
She smiled sadly.
“I know.”
Then Leo:
“I forgive you some.”
“Thank you.”
“But you’re not my mom.”
“I know.”
No hug.
May you like
Meeting ended.
Enough.
